camouflage sentience sacrilege adrenaline

I am now an ordained minister. Let me marry you.

alcoholic messiah

I never loved him
but I would have followed him
he my alocholic messiah

hey! sing my redemption song
oh! beer and camouflage
yes! salvation is sweet
ahh I could have followed him

sometimes you just become so aware
of other people’s bodies around you
how full of life and sentience they are
these beautiful things that you cannot control
all of us so glorious jealous of each other’s humanity

careful! I could fall right back in love with you

hey there messiah
hey there clyde
did your bonnie leave you?
and as for you, sir
I left you in the wilderness
without a tongue to lash with
(though sometimes a lashing is better than silence)

but I’m no highway bandit
no actress with the comedie francais
I just write letters
I’m just a letter writer
I can’t leave you there to starve
but I can leave you

crack your knuckles! hurricane!
I found some sort of panacea
in you
and on those 6,000 steps to heaven
you’ve saved my soul,
I like to say

pencil strokes and a wish on a sunset
I kissed you on the fourth of july
kissed you on the fourth of july
had a delicious delirious deja vu
from before I knew you:
cramped classroom
speaking in a yet unknown tongue
your yet unknown tongue

I like that little thing
that probably made you nervous
when you were young
tsia tsia tsiahh

after these two monthes I’ll never know you again
your backwards walk especially I’ll miss
and the way you understood the water
but every messiah has to leave his diciples

I could have followed you

instead I go back to
instead I go back to
go back to
others
to others who have loved me will love me
won’t love me fake love me
think they love me
do love me with all of themselves

to others whom I
do love don’t love have loved
will love fake love
have lost in love
do love with all of myself

but you’re the one who’s saved my soul, aren’t you
well, I’ve got someone else to follow
he hasn’t broken my faith yet
(almost, not yet)

(about that same old boy from detriot and about my decision to satisfy my wanderlust back home. about the people who are calling me back to the states)
2007

flirting with wanderlust

ridiculous flirtations
a lash in my eye
whimsical wish-worthy
a righteous pain in the ass
I hope you didn’t lose your respect for me
because sometimes I get all mixed up in illusions

you’ll go home and smoke
go home and s-s-s-smoke
and I’ll be lost in another stupid fog
but fog doesn’t burn my eyes
like all that smoke would
(it just gets me lost)

in my confusion I find myself on
old beaches in sandy beds
but I’ve done it all before
done and finished it
(whether I’m willing to admit it or not)

and now you leave me wanderlusting
pavlovian drooling at the thought of motion
I want to go go go!
but Sal Paradise was such a fool
as you are a fool as I am a fool

if I could I’d repot all of my roots
keep them with me
and take off running after someone or another
terracotta ringing in my ears

mandrakes mandrakes
my roots growing together
mother, meet my secret
grow!
interlace interlock intertwine
as I lope frantic around this dust bowl

but letters in dust
ain’t no way to tell someone you love them
and you got no plans
and I got no money jangling in my pockets
I’ve just got words jangling around my head
so what am I going to do that’s going to change my life?

I’ll bat my eyes at Spain
take a long drag on Llhasa’s cigarette
and kiss home on the forehead
kiss home on the forehead because I think it’s sweet and sad to kiss someone there
(I always have wanted more)

and now is the time to take more
to grab life by the shirt collars and curious kiss him
to chance dignity with every footstep fingerprint
and to take tenderfooted risks
brinksmanship extraordinare

I’ll hold my breath and dive in
I’ve got no shame about our flirtations
I won’t blush if you bring it up
it’s just that you, sir, intrigue me
and I am unabashed in my intrigue

you remind me of myself
and anyone who says they don’t love their own reflection is a goddamned liar
also you remind myself of myself
of parts that have for so long gone forgotten
because they just didn’t fit with others
(they fit with you!)

and you know
I do wish on silly things like eyelashes and old fertile dandelions
pluck them and blow them onto the wind
a strong breeze does the trick
as you do the trick for me
blowing me away from the one whom I’ll kiss on the forehead
urging urging tender animal urging me to say fuck it all and runaway

(about a boy who’s trying to help me solve all my problems and decide where to run off to. Also about my sudden need for motion. and about another boy back home who i’d like to kiss on the forehead)
2007